She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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