The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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