We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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