I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
