I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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