oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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