So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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