We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
