New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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