Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
