They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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