Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
