if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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