i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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