Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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