I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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