My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
