Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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