Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
