so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
