During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
