I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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