So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
