that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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