Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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