I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
