Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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