5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
