Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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