I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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