I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
