Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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