i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
