It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
