Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
