Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
