i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
