y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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