She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
