you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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