I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
