My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
