Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
