you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
