just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
