Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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