If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
