Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
