she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
