They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
