I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
