How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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