remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
