Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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