I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
