kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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