Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
