God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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